I got back yesterday about 5pm, I wanted to come back today but good thing we left yesterday because it has been raining and it was raining in LA well that is what my grandma said. The drive wasn't bad at all just when this stupid little red car cut use off really bad I almost crashed into them and I got scared so I hit the gas when I meant to hit the breaks, the good thing I reacted fast and moved so I didn't hit those stupid people. I sure honked at them and say some not so nice things too lol but they kept doing it to other people which pissed me off so I pulled out my camera ready to take a picture of their car so if I have to call the cops I can show the cops how the car looks but what is funny they cut off a car and a cop on his motorcycle was hiding and went after them lol that is what they get.
Oh guess what! I'm moving back to LA. My mom thinks it's better this way and any ways we are losing this house to the bank my mom has tried like million things to work with the bank but they are being an as about it so my grandma is giving us back our old house which my uncle Jesse had bought off my mom and now the house belongs to my grandma she wants to give it back to my mom and my mom said okay we are moving once Eric ( my brother) graduates from high school and he graduates in May. I can't wait to move back but I will miss my niece Madeline and all the pretty flowers and green life out here hehe but hey I can photograph LA life now
and I can always go visit my niece it won't be every weekend like before which would suck but I'll work something out. OH and hey Las Vegas is not that far from LA
So when I do start moving that would mean I won't be able to get online for a wail till I get everything moved into the house or I got to the school and use their computers.So okay I'm done with the good news of the journal so I guess this my disclamer saying this part I'm going to talk about my uncle Jesse's funeral and viewing so if you don't want to read this part it's all good if so thanks.
When I got to my grandma's house it was Wednesday and the viewing was on Thursday so I had a day to get ready for it but i don't think any one can ever get ready for a viewing and funeral. When I gave my grandma a hug once we got there she started to cry and say how happy she is that we are here so I hugged back saying I'm always happy to drive far just to be with you grandma.
The Day of the night before the viewing I could not sleep just think about seeing my uncle Jesse there dead ugh it just didn't set well with me. So I was up at 5 in the morning and the viewing wasn't till 3 in the after noon so all day I help answering the phone from all the phone calls my grandma was getting and cleaning up the house to get ready for the day of the funeral because everyone was going to come to my grandma's house after every thing was done. Also Sam's Club came to my grandma's gave here tables and food for the funeral because my uncle worked for Sam's for many years and he was a manger there and I have to say Sam's Club was very nice to give my grandma so much stuff. Once it was time to get ready to go to the viewing I didn't want to only because I knew where I was going and what we were doing. Just watching my grandma cry from putting on her lip stick and putting on her dress made me cry and I had to drive to the location.
Once we got there my aunt was there and she was the one doing everything and she was seating outside the room where they had my uncle Jesse, I turned around to see the light blue casket in the room and my eyes started to water up right away and I asked my mom " is that my uncle Jesse in there" she said yes. I was soooooooooo scared to go into the room I didn't want to see him but my mom pulled me and I kept saying NO NO I don't want to see him dead and there were people in there already and they turned around and stared at me and when I saw him I screamed and said " NO that is not Jesse! it isn't right!" and I just cried really hard that my mom had to hold onto me and then my grandma walked into the room OMG I cried even harder because my grandma kept saying in Spanish NO my son, my little boy.
I have no idea how long I was standing there with my grandma hold her and she hold me too but we mange to set down and my grandma asked my mom for her rosary so she can start praying for my uncle and so we all who were in the room started to pray. After like 20 minutes after we were done praying I got up and my sat with my grandma and went outside the room I couldn't handle being in there any more so I sat out side the room with my aunt and waited with her for the rest of the people. My cousin Jasmine came in and my aunt I was setting with is her mom, so when Jasmine saw the casket like me she started to freak out and I told her if she wanted me to walk with her to see him so she grab my hand we head over to see my uncle Jesse, this time I kept my head down and I just held my cousin. Once she ready she said okay lets go outside so we walked out again. When we walked out of the viewing room there were a lot of people in the outside part before you enter in the viewing room, so slowly people started to get there and I knew there was going to be a lot of people because I didn't know it was going to be sooo many that they had to open a second room for people set in.
After the mass was over the Father told people it was okay to go up to see Jesse and say their sorryes to the family which is my family. I was setting next to my grandma once again and she wouldn't let go of me. SO when people came up to us a lot of them thought I was my uncle's sister and I would just no he was my uncle and my mom was standing right next to me and say my mom here is Jesse's sister. SO many people say they were sorry so many people gave me hugs and kisses and a lot of them I never knew in my life. OH and Robert was there the guy I told you guys about the one that lives next door to my grandma's house well he gave my mom a hand shake and he came up to me gave my a hug and kissed me on the cheek and asked how I was doing. I told him the true I feel lost and confused and dizzy. He grabbed my hand and said everything will be okay and hugged and then walked to my grandma and gave her a hug too.
After the viewing we all had to leave because they close the place at 8 so I helped my grandma out but then she turned around and said I'll back tomorrow Jesse and I started to cry.
That same night I didn't sleep good again and was up at 5 again and we had to be at Queen Of Heaven before 11, so we get there and there are people there already and the lady in charge put flowers on the pull bears which my brother was one of them and she also gave put flowers on the my grandma and grandpa and on Jesse's brother and sisters so my mom had a white flower pined to her suite. at 10:45 the lady told everyone that was not family to go into the church and for Jesse's brother and sister and their children to stay out here which is the room before enter because we were to walk behind the casket as it it entered the building.
When the lady said if anyone want to say their last good byes before they close the casket I was fine till I saw her starting to move to my uncle ready to close it. I just lost it I started to cry and shake ready hard and kept saying NO NO don't close it not yet NO. Every one was staring at me and all my aunts and my mom came to hug me and say it's okay, it's time to let Jesse rest in peace. I just kept crying and I had to set down, I was just glad my grandma stayed in the room and didn't come to stand with use because I know I would of upsetted her too. SO they closed the casket I just cried even harder I still can;t believe that I can cry so much and then they started to move him into the church. My cousin Lauren had to go up to do a reading from the bible and she had a hard time so I got up and held her hand and said you can do it, my cousin Jasmine also had a hard time but her sister Brandy went up to help her. My cousin John did fine but once he sat down he started to cry. When every thing was done it was time to move Jesse again but this time into the car were they took him to his plot.
I was driving again so everyone waited for me to pull out to follow the hearse because I did have my grandma in the car so she had the right to be first to be behind the hearse to follow to the plot. We drive down the drive way and park behind the hearse and so did everyone else. When we get out I can she where they are going to put him and my grandma grabbed my hand and said that she is ready to put Jesse to rest which made me cry again. The Father said his words and our family got the chance to place red and white roses on the casket and this guy let go of a white dove I can't remember what he said before he let it go I felt like my head was spinning.
They put my uncle into his plot and my grandma said okay lets go and I asked her if she want to go over to the plot because they has us more to put the dirt and grass down. She said yes so I can tell him " Good bye, I'll see you later" and she started to cry and I told her it's okay grandma I know it's hard. She walked over and got down on her knees and did the sign of the cross and said something in Spanish couldn't hear her because she was crying so hard and I was too. We went back to my grandma and she took a nap as all the people came to the house eat and gave gifts to my grandma after she woke up.
I tell you guys I never ever want to feel like I did that day and I'm still shocken up about it and I cry here and there. I know he is in a better place but I just miss him so much. I should stop writing now because my hands hurt and I have a feeling this turned into a super long journal.